I just don’t understand it. How much money is actually being made from these ‘Evolved’ re-releases of games that are years old? Surely not enough to cover the cost of uploading them to the Arcade?

Much like Asteroids which was released a few weeks ago, Tempest is another gaming ‘classic’ that’s hit the arcade with not as much as a whimper. Originally hitting the real arcades in 1981, Tempest is an on the rails space shooter. Offering something vastly different - in 1981 - but damn sure showing it’s age in 2008.

The basic concept for those who don’t know, is pretty simple. The game screen consists of a persuado 3D tunnel divided into rails which you move too and from. Enemies race toward you from the opposite end of said tunnel. I’m probably making it sound more complex than it is so right now would be an ideal place for the art monkey to stick a gameplay screenshot…

To battle previously mentioned enemies and the newly mentioned hazards, you have regular fire power and also a limited super beam, which will wipe out an entire screen of nasties - and is undoubtedly very useful indeed.

Much like Asteroids, here you can have a go on the original version with ‘classic’ vector graphics, and an ‘Evolved’ version which is kinda like taking a trip to your local discothèque. Also much like Asteroids, the un-evolved version is better……of course both versions are essentially the same game, the only difference being the visuals, but the assault of colourful explosions on the evolved edition makes it very difficult to actually see what you’re supposed to be shooting at. More often than not, you’ll be laid out by a laser, which you ignore as something you’ve already destroyed. The original is much less hassle, far easier and a lot better off for it. You don’t however get any achievements for playing the original, which kinda means you’re forced into playing the horrid multicoloured orgy that Evolved - if you want just a tiny bit of the satisfaction that 200gp will bring.

There are leader boards for both variants, as well as Throttle Monkey leader boards. Throttle Monkey, much like Asteroids is just the games ‘Hard’ setting. You’re a better man than me, if you can get through it. Normal mode is tough - very tough. It’s a high score game, but is very unsatisfying.

I’m not really that sure what else I can add, that I haven’t already said in my Asteroids review. If you’re a retro buff, you’ll probably enjoy Tempest, but you can play it for free on the internet simply by Googling ‘Tempest’. I’d love for them to stop releasing these tired games. Head on over to the virtual console, and you can download Super Mario World, Donkey Kong Country, Ocarina of Time and perhaps most suited for anyone interested in Tempest - Starfox. Please, stop the guff Atari/Microsoft, it’s gone far beyond Chinese torture.

If this version of Tempest came in a box, it’d have a ‘Best Before 1985’ date printed on the back. Avoid.